Single motherhood | trials and tribulations

First off, I love being a single mother.  I throughly enjoy being soley responsible for how my son turns out, what he sees on a daily basis, and how he will learn to be a man.  Then again, maybe I feel that way because I know he's better off learning from me than any other individual at this time. 

Let's face it though - single motherhood often challenges you to make some really difficult decisions.  Also, you'll find yourself having feelings of regret, shame, and sometimes even hate on how you ended up this way.  Never in a million years will I regret bringing Wesley in this world, I just wish maybe I would have done it a little differently.  

 I've said this time and time again - as mothers it's ultimately on us for not choosing the best man to father our child.  Yes, people can often be deceiving, as well as people often change...suddenly at times.  So, I try not to be so hard on myself, but I find it acceptable to not always point the finger and just tell myself "well, now you have to make the best of your decisions, Amanda!".  Ever since creating that mindset and not having to deal with bitterness or reliance on another human being, I have been significantly happier.

It's as simple as this, sometimes people are just bad.  They just are.  And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it.  The best advice I can give any single other out there is explore every opportunity to build up your independence.  Let nothing hold you back.  Your child, who looks at you and ONLY you everyday will someday embrace every risk you decided to take to make their lives just a little sweeter. 

There's a gift God gives to every mother, aside from their beautiful bundle of course.  And that's strength and perseverance. Corny it may seem, but if you look back at your mother, and her mother, and even her mother - you'll find we all have those two things in common. Though we all develop our own theories and ways of parenting - we can all say in each of us as mothers, we see a little of our moms in us.  

When I began my journey as a single mother I immediately saw my moms strength in every bit of my being. Some days I just step back, and although I experience anger and frustration A LOT of the time - I can't help but be thankful for being blessed with the strength. 

I'm almost positive that there is not a single thing that could ever stand in my way. 

Finding Your Sexy

It's a New Year! It's time to feel good about yourself again!

Being a single mom is just about the most confusing thing ever.  What's sexy? How do you flirt? Am I attractive still? Am I ready to date again? .... Will I be single forever? 

All questions that are perfectly normal to be asking yourself right now.

So, what did I do to ease some of this frustration? I created a list, entitled: Finding My Sexy. 

1. Create a workout routine. 

It doesn't have to be anything hard, hell, you don't even need to be trying to lose weight. Working out, in general, releases stress and promotes a healthy lifestyle. Creating a regular workout routine will simply make you feel better!

2. Eat better. 

I decided to begin eating clean. Meaning organic fruits, vegetables with some lean meats. Turkey, chicken and fish. I've done this before and boy has it made such a difference in my day! I'm happier, more awake and if you pair the right foods in a meal - you will feel fuller, longer!

3. Listen to empowering music. 

We all have different tastes but here's my current favorites.

I listen to music that brings me back to when I was looking for inspiration for my fashion scholarship sketches. Don't laugh ;)

1. Do my thang - Miley Cyrus 

2. In My City - Ellie Goulding 

3. Sail - AWOLNATION

4. Color|cut your hair.

I think every woman knows what a difference this makes in how we feel about ourselves. If you have reached that point in your life where you look in the mirror and the only thing you have to say is "blah", get a new cut or spice it up with a color you have never tried before!

5. Forgive.

Forgive anyone and anything that has come between you and happiness.  Let your soul cleanse itself of all the hate and malice that crowds it's beauty. I think this is one of the most important things of all, just let go. 

6. Pray.

I guess it's weird to add prayer into a list on how to find your sexy. But what is sexier than a woman of faith? Pray and ask God to relieve you of all your burdens, to allow you to see this new year as a fresh start. Ask Him to remove the bad and bring forth the good in your life. To give you the strength to feel better about yourself again.

7. Run a marathon to support a cause.

This whole thing is about empowering yourself right?! What's more empowering then brushing the dust off of those cute running shoes in your closet and running for something great? What are you passionate about? Google your state and what you'd like to run for, see what pops up! Most runs|walks start in the spring and go on through the fall. Now is a perfect time to find out about them and start getting into shape!

8. Start a blog. 

Free writing is such an escape! It's one of the best ways to let go of whatever is on your mind and save it to look back on when everything is exactly how you envisioned it. Blogs are a way for you to inspire others who were or are in the same situation as you, like the same things as you, or just enjoy what you have to say. It's a great way to build a friend base and learn about yourself through the feedback of others and just simply reminiscing in the months to come.

9. Take your time.

Don't rush a thing. All those questions you are asking yourself, give yourself as much time as you need to figure them out. Never get into something new until you're at peace with your past. You're beautiful. But if you're ever feeling down and out, do things that make you happy, embrace the things that inspire you, wake up a little earlier and spend a little extra time in the mirror. Eat well, treat your body with respect. Pray, just talk to God...for as long as you need to. Forgive anything that's holding you back from spreading your wings. Because this is your time, you have a clean slate - you're starting over. ❤️

"Until you become strong belong alone with JUST GOD, you'll never know if you're choosing someone out of love or loneliness."

New year, new us, new blog!

During my pregnancy with Wesley I began a blog entitled, "A La Mode to Mommy" which touched on my journey from a fashion merchandising major to a soon to be mom. 

Since then, our lives have done a complete 180. I went from being a new mommy, to a newly single mommy. With that title comes no shame. If you would have asked me during my pregnancy how I thought children were supposed to be raised, I would have told you with a FAMILY - meaning mom, dad, and baby. Anything other than that would have been completely unacceptable. Boy, how my outlook has changed! I have the happiest little boy, he is perfectly content with just me.

We have been blessed this past year. All of the miracles that have gotten us to our current safe haven are beyond me. They're all with Jesus. We have been blessed over and over again with amazing opportunities. Every day is still a struggle, but everyday has become beautiful...and promising. 

We have moved out of our old home, with broken, twisted memories. Into a new home, that's just ours. One in which we have rightfully earned and fought for. Everyday I learn something new about myself and my inner strength. Everyday I learn how damn awesome my kid is.  For once I am letting my artistic mind free again, free writing more than ever before. 

More than anything, I'm praying. I'm leaning to be grateful for the little things, I'm learning how blessed I am just to be standing on my own two feet. 

This new blog, entitled "Per Fidem" is about just that. Our life, through faith. Because without it, I don't know where in the heck we would be! Don't expect us to write lengthy reviews on frivolous baby items and give make up tutorials on how to turn your skin from pink to blue ;). However, maybe you can stop by and enjoy some of the messages that have gotten us through or day, or our week. Enjoy the big blued eyed babe that keeps my heart afloat. If anything, this blog is for Wesley. As he grows he can look back at where we were then and where we are now and see to never give up hope or your dreams. 

I'm a mama, who loves The Lord in all his glory, I enjoy everything art and coffee is my second best friend. & I've just decided to begin writing our story.